I had plans for a beautiful and eloquent summation post examining in detail how much I enjoyed NaBloPoMo and the conviviality of the project and the lovely commenters and the lovely blogs and so on, but I have exactly 4 minutes to throw something together here on account of Impending Gigundo Work Event and the damn server going batpoop-crazy this morning.

So, um, consider that said.

Also, I would like to direct your attention to my previous site archives. Click on January and scrool down to Jan. 5. I find this post relevant today because Grandma Texas has once again been sucked into the ARMPIT that is air travel in Texas and is now, best-case scenario, expected to arrive roughly 5 hours late.

We have NEVER EVER EVER EVER had a smooth flight through that godforsaken state. The story I tell on Jan. 5 is the worst of the lot, but the aggregate has led me to the conclusion that the real axis of evil is Texas and the airline industry.

This morning, I went to five different stores looking for a slip to wear under the fancy dress I will be sporting at Gigundo Unspecified Work Event tomorrow night.

FIVE stores! When I asked where they’d gone, salespeople shrugged and pointed toward the old lady underpants and girdles-we-don’t-admit-are-girdles-because-we’re-all-feminists-here, and, worst, some scary wetsuit/corset-looking thingies. I find these last singularly unflattering. I feel that it is generally a good thing to differentiate between bust and waist, because if there is a difference between the two, the waist tends to look smaller, ergo skinnier. Why oh why would you stuff yourself, sausage-like, into a casing that flattens everything into a mess of vague lumps?

Anyway, I found the suggestions of the salesclerks completely unhelpful. I do not need a fat-squishing suit. What I need is a make-my-dress-not-so-translucent slip. Perhaps I am out of step; in fact this is highly likely given some of the items in which I see the youngsters these days. But I do not desire to display any of my bits, even the more innocuous ones, to the Unspecified VIPs tomorrow night.

I finally found a half-slip at Malwart. The only full slips were in super-duper plus sizes. I get that super-duper plus women want to look good, but that is not helpful to me at this moment in time. So I will be wearing a camisole and half slip and hoping that I do not have any Bridget Jones-style disasters with my undergarments bunching around my middle.

Because I am such a maven of good taste, what with the secret Bon Jovi thing (huh, not so secret anymore, is it?!) and the Ricky Martin and the Backstreet Boys and the repeated rentals of 10 Things I Hate About You, I think I will be Ms. Snotty Arts Critic today and give you some lists.

The Three Best Pieces of Art I Have Ever Seen in Person

1. Edvard Munch’s Madonna
When I was in high school, I got really into art. I guess I was pretty good at it, but mostly I loved how creating something made me feel. During my intro art class, we had a small art history unit and the teacher threw a slide of The Scream up on screen. In the years since, I’ve come to see it as among the least of his works, but at the time it captivated me, and I wanted to know more. By the time I had a chance to travel to Norway in college I was pretty well steeped in Munch lore, but nothing prepared me for how beautiful this piece is in person. There are shimmers of color there that even the best print can’t capture, and there’s something about the challenge in the woman’s stance and expression that draw me in more than the Mona Lisa ever did.

2. Michelangelo’s Pieta in St. Peter’s
I was absolutely gobsmacked by this when I first saw it. I hadn’t gotten into art at that point so I’d never seen a picture and I wasn’t expecting anything, and here is this gorgeous, gorgeous thing full of sadness and grace in front of me that was created by a person. I’ve since seen more sculptures and paintings by him in person and each one is revelatory.

3. Friedensreich Hundertwasser House
I told a German friend I was going to Vienna and she brushed off all the other art and culture treasures in the city and told me the one thing I HAD to see was this house. And she’s right. It has to be experienced, this and the museum down the street that he also designed, with the trees growing willy nilly, wacky window placement and odd little nooks and crannies. In the museum, the building itself merges with the art in the space and on the walls to become a multimedia experience. Even the entry tickets are a funky little puzzle.

Three Cool Buildings

1. The dancing building in Prague
The name says it all. You see this thing and you expect it to go whirling off to a waltz tune. In a city where the old construction is gorgeous but most of the new stuff is uninspired at best, this is my favorite exception to the rule.

2. The Chrysler Building.
I never grow tired of seeing it shining.

3. The Guggenheim Museum
It kinda looks like an ashtray, or maybe your inner ear, or maybe it really is supposed to be a nautilus. Whatever, I am charmed anew every time.

Aside From the Collected Works of Bruce Springsteen, U2 and Nick Cave, Three CDs I Recommend

1. Sinead O’Connor — The Lion and the Cobra
She was only MOSTLY crazy on this one, and that was a good place for her artistically (if not personally, perhaps). Jackie gives me chills and I can only ever play Troy in the car by myself because of the screaming it makes me do. Seriously. Not pretty.

2. Damien Rice - O
I just got 9, which would be number 2.5 on the list, but the first album is so, so lovely. I told Jim that if I met Damien in real life, I would probably have to kick him in the nuts because he totally seems like one of those New Age Player types. But his voice is consistently in the beautiful-to-stunning range, his band is top-notch (that cello!), and his co-vocalist/frequent duet partner/whatever Lisa Hannigan pushes his songs from really good to great even when she only shows up to murmur some lalalalas in the background.

3. The Killers — Sam’s Town
I’m only just discovering it, but I find it exhilerating to be listening to a new band that has actually bothered to synthesize and filter their influences instead of regurgitating them note for note (I am looking at you, The Rapture! Cure, much?). I hear U2, The Cure, Bruce, REM, and a bunch of little indie bands from the late-1980s and early 1990s, but I can’t ever pin them down exactly, and that’s VERY refreshing. Plus, this album is making me reconsider the fact that I do not own an IPOD and that I do not run, because just sitting in the car, the pace makes me antsy.

Three Movies I Think Everyone Should See, Besides An Inconvenient Truth or Who Killed the Electric Car, Which I Saw and Valued But Realize I Need to Stay Away From Because This Genre Makes Me Say Irresponsible Things About What I Would Like to Do to Our Leaders and Some of You Might Feel the Same Way So Who Am I to Inflict Such a Downer

1. Amores Perros
We rented this with some friends and they insisted we turn it off halfway through because it was so hard to watch — and it is: dogfights, personal betrayals, overall grimness. I had to go back and watch the rest, and not just because Hotty McHotness is in it. That’d be Gael Garcia Bernal, and dude, what’s up with this guy? Did he sign a pact with the devil to a. be that hot and b. be a part of that many good movies (The Crimes of Father Amaro, Y Tu Maman Tambien, that weird Pedro Almodovar cross-dressing one)? Where’s his Oscar? He should get the Oscar for hot, talented dude. What? That’s not a category? I’m boycotting the academy!! Ummmm. Maybe I DID watch it because of him. But the rest of the movie’s pretty amazing, too. I’m a sucker for that genre of films where disparate events and people who seem unconnected at first get woven together in weirdly fated ways, and this one does it especially well, both technically and in the way the plot twists suckerpunch you.

2. Infernal Affairs
I know, very pretentious to prefer the original and disparage the remake, but this Hong Kong movie is the inspiration for The Departed. Though I loved Departed and thought Leo and Matt justified every gushing word ever written about their talent with their performances in this film, I still like the original better. I can’t tell you why becaue it would reveal the plot twist at the end that differs from The Departed, but it ends up makes a really interesting point about the intersection between what we appear to be and what we are.

3. The Three Colors Trilogy
I wasn’t going to list this one because it’s also one of those “fate” things, but it’s truly a gem. Give yourself a couple of evenings to watch these three from start to finish. The cinematography alone will make you weep, and the soundtrack just slays me; I now obsessively collect Zbignieuw Preisner’s music and this is very difficult, as I have no idea how to pronounce his name. But the stories? All built around intriguing female leads, stunningly acted, and the way Red ends? Words fail.

There you have it. So: What’s your list? I’d love to get some suggestions, if only to pad our Netflix cue!

This afternoon, I got a comment in my inbox from someone who found this site when she Googled “baby raspberries.” Because I am a big doofus and I was on autopilot I deleted it instead of approving it — that’s what happens when you get 67 spam comments in a row, I guess. Sorry about that!

However, it spurred me to do one of my occasional trawls through the searches that bring people here and, um, let’s just say that there are some strange things that bring people here — I feel like I should apologize for being a lame old mommyblog or something.

I mean, the two people who searched “world’s cutest baby” — of course you would land here!

But the ones who came here because of “Raconteurs distortion mic” were probably expecting something a little more worthy of Jack White, not film of some kid saying “Hi Zoe!”

Here’s something weird, though. I paged through the results for world’s cutest baby and gave up looking for us — we aren’t anywhere in the first ten pages of Google results. Whoever found us this far down is hardcore!
BUT! When you search “pictures of skirts been blown by the wind,” this is the first site that pops up. Now, this is a fairly innocuous phrase, perhaps entered by a women who had an embarrassing incident with her outfit on the way to work, right? Then there’s “skirt glass photo,” which is just a little odd, but clearly the searcher hit paydirt with “photos of lifted skirts sitting at a desk” — for which, disturbingly, this site comes in at the top of page two.

Creepily, we are also at the top of page two for “pictures of women with sharp teeth.”

Whoever searched “pictures she is shaving her friend s underarms” must’ve been really perplexed to click on this page and find a bunch of tributes to my friends as opposed to the hoped-for body hair fetish shots.

If you were the person looking for information on “yeast infection cream and conception,” you’re on your own, dude.

To the person who came here searching “toddler woke up with eye discharge,” “toddler blocked tear duct cold,” “why do babies get weepy and goopy eyes,” “toddler eye discharge,” and “woke up with puffy eyelid” — how enraged were you that the internet kept dumping you here? I hope your kid feels better!
I love that one of erica’s comments makes this site a page one result for “paranoia about different foods touching each other on plate.”

Alright, that’s it from me tonight. I can’t believe I’ve made it this far with the BloMo thing. Knock on wood, three more days!

Opiate of the masses: Eliza enjoying her Green Eggs and Ham video:

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Yesterday, we invited a bunch of friends over to eat Thanksgiving leftovers, in in some ways, it felt more like the traditional Thanksgiving than our quite family meal, especially as Eliza slept through all but dessert on Thursday.

Between our stuff and the pies and bread friends brought, we had a pretty fantastic meal. (Hello pesto bread! Hello pumpkin pie!)

There were several kids. Poor K, the eldest by 2 years, was surrounded by toddlers who would not be wrangled, although at one point she and O were running circles around our open floor plan, shrieking like happy little banshees. Baby T, who is clocking in at 1 month old these days, had many excited minions, and Eliza thoughtfully rocked his chair when he got fussy. Two of the kids, O and S, make frequent appearances here, being good buddies of Eliza’s. We set them up at the table in a row, and I am profoundly regretting now that we didn’t have a video camera running, because they were comedy gold to put the Stooges to shame. There was all sorts of utensils and cup thievery that just doesn’t translate in the telling, because you don’t see their deadpan little faces.

***

Will have to interrupt writing. Eliza is standing next to me, pushing my butt out of the chair, saying “Donedonedone!” Apparently I am.

***

OK, Back.

Right. So, most of the spread was ignored by the kiddos, with the exception of the pumpkin pie. In the video linked below, Eliza has had pumpkin pie exactly 2 times previously in her life but has clearly developed a hard-core addiction. She started demanding pumpkin pie shortly before our guests were due to arrive. At first, we put her off because we didn’t want her eating dessert before dinner; we also figured she’d get distracted as soon as her buddies showed up. Then I caved and gave her a small piece to stave off a meltdown. At this point, we started taping because we were trying to get her to say “pumpkin pie” on video. However, she finished her piece of pie and so we got footage of the world’s saddest toddler who is NEVER EVER given anything good to eat EVER, with lots of “Please sir, can I have some more?” Oliver Twist overtones.

And in case you’re wondering, after extracting two pieces of pie out of us before dinner, she had pumpkin pie for dessert after her buddies showed up as well.

Sad About Pumpkin Pie