February 3, 2010

12 Comments »

1. Hysterical laughter from over here after finishing the first part about the sharp teeth and carnivores.

   Have to read the rest of the story now.

   Comment by Mama — February 3, 2010 @ 8:32 pm

2. That second to last paragraph perfectly sums up what is important and what I tried to accomplish by marrying outside my native country and later seeking ways to expose our children - and ourselves! - to the phenomenon of “different”. The goal is to realize, and accept, that “different” is just an adjective, not a judgment. It is value-free and simply states a fact. If we then also learn to find differences interesting, instead of confusing or threatening, we are moving in the right direction. Choosing the alternative, i.e. letting differences divide us, has brought such incredible misery to mankind. We need to work on changing that.

   I am so glad that you are giving Eliza the opportunity of becoming comfortable with differences at such a young age.

   Comment by Mama — February 4, 2010 @ 9:08 am

3. RE: the carnivore comment, OMG, that child is smart as a whip! I love it!

   Re: your reflections on different - I completely understand what you’re getting at. I also grew up with parents of different nationalities, and we never lived in any of the places my parents had roots. Also, for 1st - 5th grade, I went to a small ilnternational school in a foreign country, where there were kids from countries as varied as Korea, Uganda, and Finland. Different nationalities and heritage were the norm there. It was strange when we moved back to the US, and not only was everyone from one country, but they were predominately of the same racial/ethnic mix, too.

   So I had that outsider feeling most of my life, and it was both comfortable and uncomfortable. I think its contributed a great deal to my sort of stubborn independent streak and several other qualities that I like about myself (conceitedness there too, but not one of the favorites). I think its wonderful you’re making this conscious decision and carrying through on it with your daughter. I think we already see that independence and confidence in Eliza that you were striving to build.

   Comment by Marie — February 4, 2010 @ 11:10 am

4. I used the wrong “predominate” didn’t I? That was supposed to be predominant, right? Excuse me while I pop over to dictionary.com…..

   Comment by Marie — February 4, 2010 @ 11:12 am

5. For some reason your post has made me realize, in a way that I hadn’t been able to put words onto earlier, that “different” is a thing that I value in my children as well. On many levels, not just the fun and creative side of things… but deep down peculiar.

   Now I have a post that I want to write too! Is that a tangent, on a tangent, on a tangent?

   Comment by bon — February 4, 2010 @ 12:50 pm

6. This is a good conversation, A.M. and very timely. I thinkiIt’s Maya Angelou who told Oprah, “You do what you know, and when you know better you do better.” This is what you are doing for Eliza right now — you’re doing what you think is right for her now and for later. So what if the kids in her class are object lessons? Life is an object lesson and something as simple yet complex as “diversity” must be learned from inside and outside of the home. (I’d like to tell you about the kids that I sometimes see who have been so “sheltered” that when they come face to face with me (a real-live Black person) they are sometimes frightened, horrified or intensely curious. One child said to me, “Does it hurt?” pointing to my skin.)

   Eliza will thank you one day and she will be stronger and wiser because of the decisions you have made. Just like with you and Mama.

   Comment by Dina — February 4, 2010 @ 1:19 pm

7. Oh and I forgot to tell you that, No, you slip is not showing. Love That!

   Comment by Dina — February 4, 2010 @ 2:40 pm

8. “your” slip

   Comment by Dina — February 4, 2010 @ 2:41 pm

9. When I was younger, my family prized being different. My parents and their boyfriends/girlfriends weren’t married, because that was something Society wanted them to do! My dad took me to school on the back of his motorcycle. I could go on and on. So I get where you’re coming from. I married someone whose parents thought there was only one right way to do things (theirs, natch) and everyone else was a freak. It is a very high priority for me that our kids learn that just because we do things a certain way doesn’t mean it’s the only way or even the right way. That for most things, there is no right way. A’s school is fairly diverse and a big reason I’d like to avoid private school (other than the crippling expense) is so she can be around a broader variety of people.Expanding your horizons is always a good thing!

   Comment by Melissa — February 5, 2010 @ 7:08 pm

10. That was fabulous.

    We live in a very small city and up until the past 5 years or so we were so completely NOT culturally diverse that if you saw someone walking down the street who was obviously “not from here” you had to sit on your hand and try not to point at them as if they were some fascinating animal at the zoo. (Does that sound horrible? You know what I mean right?)

    Recently a plant opened up that hires a majority of immigrants. (There are probably many issues with this but having spoken to several people who have moved here to work they are thrilled to have the opportunity to live/work/earn significantly more money here than they can at home.) As a result our city is becoming incredibly culturally diverse and I love it! When we play at playgrounds we often hear kids teaching each other how to say things in other languages. Miss A has a little girl from China in her preschool class who she loves and loves to tell me all the time “her is from CHINA!”

    I also embrace all the ways that she is different from other kids. The thing that makes me feel the best about myself is that I rarely, if ever, follow other people. I don’t follow trends clothing or otherwise. I love to be an individual and want my children to feel comfortable to do this as well. I hope that I can adequately comfort them well in times when inevitably others will criticize their uniqueness. (awesomeness)

    Comment by Mama D — February 7, 2010 @ 5:25 pm

11. Thank you to everyone for your thoughtful comments on this post — and I’m not just saying that because we seem to be on the same page!

    And Mama D — In addition to bon’s post about Birdie’s issues at school it was your response in the comments that prompted this post.

    Comment by elizasmom — February 10, 2010 @ 9:46 am

12. Love the sharp-teeth anecdote too. This is such a thought-provoking post.

    Comment by Mary Carey — February 17, 2010 @ 12:59 pm

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