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cialis india“Just don’t be there” is something my sensei used to say a lot in karate.
It applies on a macro and micro level. It means you should trust your intuition and awareness and leave if a situation or location seems hinky, before the you-know-what hits the fan. But if the aforementioned does hit the fan and an attack comes your way, there are any number of ways to deflect the attack so that a fist or a kick coming at you whooshes past you instead.
He said it once in Zen, too, and the same macro/micro dynamic applied, although my understanding of always Zen kind of revolved around the micro. Not being there is a lot about controlling your reaction to a situation, i.e. not going “there” in your head, “there” being whatever negative, angry reaction you might have to the given situation. Still, macro applies, because if you can do something about it, why would you put yourself in a situation that triggers all the negative stuff?
Ahhh, I wish I could remember that before the fact, because I did it again last night — I lost my mind in the automatic checkout line. I don’t know why those things reduce me to gurgling, furious idiocy, but it never fails that the simplest transaction becomes a rage-inducing, age-of-machines symbolic clusterf^&*k of inefficiency. Still, you’d think I would remember that by now and just cut my losses and wait for a check-out line with a real person.
But no. I wanted to check out, all the other lines were swamped. How bad could it be, really, to scan 6 items and go?
Cut to 5 minutes later, when, after trying, repeatedly, to scan a bunch of cilantro, I slammed the cilantro bunch down on the scanner repeatedly, yelling, “Scan it, BITCH!” at the machine.
I didn’t start feeling stupid until a kind 20-something man who was in line behind me helped me scan the cilantro in soothing tones.
I thanked him and scurried away.
I did not stop to introduce myself because he knew who I was: That Asshole Who Needs to Chill the F&*^ Out Already.
***
On a funnier note…
Jim and 2 of his long-time friends have this tradition they’ve followed since before I knew them to celebrate the Oscars, although I don’t know if celebrate is the right word here.
They look at the nominees, and then select a terrible movie by one of those nominees, which they watch at an agreed-upon time, after which they call each other to bitch about how awful it was.
In this manner, they have taken in Perfect (John Travolta), Endless Love (Tom Cruise), Sliver (Sharon Stone), and quite a few I can’t even remember because they were so terrible.
Their yardstick of awful is the film critic Leonard Maltin. If he gives it a BOMB rating, they are good to go. This year, they wanted to watch All About Steve (Sandra Bullock), but they could not find it anywhere in Maltin’s collected works.
Off goes LM and dashes off an email to Maltin, explaining their dilemma and asking him how he would rate said film.
Maltin, bless his heart, replied promptly to the effect that he did in fact see the movie and thought it was so awful it wasn’t worth reviewing. Which is not technically a BOMB rating, but suits our 3 heroes just fine. So, you know, if you hear horrified screaming coming from western Massachusetts this weekend, you’ll know what we’re watching.
AHAHahahahahaaaa! The movie was worse than awful, they are in for a treat! A trite, steaming mess of incoherence… so yeah.
How funny! My post for tomorrow is titled “Be There.”
Comment by bon — March 3, 2010 @ 8:07 pm
I am scared about how much you are your mother’s daughter. I have violent outbursts at those self-checkouts too, although I mostly use my “inside voice”, accompanied by wild stares at anyone looking my way. But I still use them regularly because on rare occasions, they actually do work and I save about 30 seconds of time.
What is even worse is my occasional shopping rage. Weeks ago, I got so upset that I could find about 25 kinds of rice but not the one I wanted. So I started slamming the rejects quite ungently back on the shelves and doing some muttering on top of it. A very concerned employee who was stocking shelves nearby walked over and asked me whether I was ok. I think he was ready to call security on me. That was sobering. I already saw myself being handcuffed and put into an ambulance for the trip to the psychiatric ward. Yikes. All because of some stupid rice!
Comment by Mama — March 3, 2010 @ 9:38 pm
Is it wrong that I would love to watch you yell, “Scan it bitch!!” at the check out line?? Oh it would so make my day.
I know what you mean, those things are infuriating. It is always telling me to remove an item thinking I put it in a bag and did not scan it. I am shocled its mechanical voice does not yell, “Thief! Thief!” when I know full well I scanned the item in question.
Do tell how bad the movie was, cannot wait to hear. I kind of wanted to see it but I recently watched “My Life in Ruins” which was so bad I am begging for the 90 minutes back.
Comment by Meredith — March 3, 2010 @ 10:05 pm
Self checkout lines are evil.
Pure EVIL I tell you!!
Our local grocery store closes down their regular checkstands 30 minutes before the store closes so if you get there at that time you are then forced to use the self checkout.
I will drive across town to the Wal Mart before I do that! (and no, I won’t use the stupid self checkout there either)
You should have done a roundhouse kick to the side of the self checkout machine.
Comment by Jillybean — March 3, 2010 @ 11:29 pm
I love the self-checkout in theory but something always goes wrong and then it wants me to wait for a person to come help me. Which infuriates me, because if I wanted to deal with a person, I would have just stood in the regular line! (But this fury pales in comparison to the one that erupts when I’m stuck behind someone writing a check. GET A DEBIT CARD, CHECK WRITERS.) (Sorry if anyone reading writes checks. I’m unreasonable, I know.)
I like Jim’s tradition. My tradition is to watch the Oscars every year, even when (as is the case this year) I don’t think I have seen a single film that was nominated.
Comment by Melissa — March 4, 2010 @ 12:41 am
*epiphany* i NEVER thought of just skipping the crazy machine every single time. I automatically go wherever the line is shortest, and inevitably the machine yells at me for not bagging my crap, or pretends it didn’t notice the spaghetti that I swiped 17 times. I’m pretty sure that when AI really comes around, it will be the likes of the snooty, bitchy self-checkout machines.
Comment by sarah k. — March 5, 2010 @ 6:12 pm