Marvel at our wit!

How much a hate Woody Allen: A drama in 1 act

Jim has returned empty-handed form the Redbox.

Jim: Well, they had Blue Jasmine, but I didn’t think you’d go for that.

AM: Yep!

Jim and AM discuss how much AM despises Woody Allen for a few minutes.

Then Jim, knowing that there are a number of actors whose work I find interesting in almost any context, asks: So if he made a movie with Robert Downey Jr., Jodie Foster, and Cate Blanchett —

AM: Not even if you added in Michael Fassbender and Ryan Gosling and everyone was naked!

***

Relatedly, we watched Captain Phillips the other night and I startled Jim by fist-pumping and hollering MAX MARTINI! when said actor appeared onscreen. If you have watched a thing where there is a military guy being intensely but calmly badass, he may be played by Max Martini. And if he is not, the film’s casting agents have made a mistake.

Aside from following my badass-but-calm casting rules, this is a very good movie in that you sympathize intensely with two characters who are on very different sides of a conflict without resorting to Stockholm Syndrome tropes. The denouement is kind of horrible for both of them, and movie, while clearly on Phillips’ side, handles it well.

Jim has been talking this movie up since he saw it so I think he was glad I was equally impressed.

***

A week ago Eliza had one of her friends over for a playdate, and at one point, said child told me, with a COMPLETELY straight face, that “Peanut Butter” was an inappropriate word because it had bad words in it.

I must’ve made a confused face, because she elaborated: “PEE and BUTT!”

I’m not sure if she was messing with me, but if so, that was an impressive poker face for an 8-year-old.

***

Lucy has discovered that M&Ms have Ws on them.

I have decided not to correct her.

***

Car conversation

One Republic is playing

Lucy: WAT DAT SONG CALLED, MAMA?

AM: Counting Stars

Lucy: COUNTING?! YOU JUST GO ONE TWO FEE FOY!

I’m not sure why she was so scornful, but she was, VERY.

***

I posted this on facebook, but: Lucy asked me what I had in my mouth and I told her “None of your beezwax,” and now she thinks that’s a legit thing you can have in your mouth.

The follow-up to this is now, she regularly asks me if we can have beezwax, or if she is having beezwax.

Again, I cannot tell if she it trolling me or not.

***

My sister’s birthday is on Friday, and last night I read that the real White House is having Big Block of Cheese Day on Wednesday in imitation of the fictional West Wing, complete with explanatory/promo video featuring the actors who played Josh Lyman and Will Bailey, in character, explaining the real event.

I don’t know what you even call it when the real universe breaks the fourth wall of a fictional universe by having the characters of the fictional universe break the fourth wall to help the real universe create a fan tribute event.

As I told my co-worker, I’m pretty sure President Obama just won fanfiction.

This is also a pretty great birthday gift for Auntie Johanna, for whom West Wing is a foundational text.

***

We went to the outdoor skating rink and put both girls on skates. They had this frame thing you could use to hold onto if you were new to skating so both girls started the day that way.

Eliza got the hang of it eventually, but until she did, she skated around like this, and every so often, she would pick up the thing and shake it in “You kids get off my lawn” manner and cackle about being an old lady.

image002

Lucy was mostly busy being a moppet:
image

After she decided she’d had enough, I took her to the store so she could buy BEE-ANNAS! (Bananas) with me, which is why we have way too many bananas. Also, I think she startled the produce lady because the bananas have stickers of Despicable Me’s Minion characters on them, and she loves those little guys. So she screamed “MINIONS!” and everyone in hearing distance flailed a little, and for a moment there it could’ve gone either way as to whether she was recruiting for an army to take over the world or just excited about some cartoon characters.

***

Eliza’s math teacher signed her up for a website that tracks kids’ progress and gives you little blingy pictures you can collect on the sites for skills learned, which is apparently all she needed, because she did 261 math problems this weekend.

I like that she’s motivated in math. I feel like kind of a sucky feminist for hating/sucking at math, and it is part of the reason I am not a geologist, which I pursued seriously until I passed calculus by the skin of my teeth in college. Given that it was my second attempt at that particular discipline with barely discernible improvement, I realized I was not going to be a STEM chick and went back to wording real good.

***

I have gotten into reading aloud to Eliza again, but now we are reading bigger books together. We did the first Harry Potter book, and now we are working on Fortunately the Milk by Neil Gaiman, which is providing us with much snickering. She could read these by herself, but given the tension we are experiencing lately (TL;DR: she’s 8, I have a temper, it’s not a good combo), having this moment at the end of the night where we laugh and marvel together is really important to us both as a reset.

***

Lucy still demands a bottle of milk to help her settle at evening’s end, and I continue to give it to her because she is in the picky-eating place right now and at least that way she gets some protein. (She would live on crackers if she could find a way to get at the Wheat Thins.) The best part about the bottle thing, in my opinion, is that when she finishes the bottle, she does something that look much like a mic-drop. This, too, is part of the reason she still gets a bottle; sleepy toddlers spiking drinking implements = funny.

***

Finally, food bragging: I have gotten back into cooking with children, and we have been on a roll lately.

Last week we made spanakopita, which was great because Lucy got to “paint” the butter onto the phyllo dough, while Eliza and I tackled the more complicated mixing, food-processing and cooking involved. Eliza liked it and I was proud of her when she asked, “Why does this remind me of pickles?” thereby IDing the dill I’d added to the recipe as per my experience of spanakopita in Greece.

Then we made this recipe, which allowed us to use up the ricotta and feta we’d opened for the spanakopita: http://food52.com/recipes/16740-ricotta-feta-gnocchi-tossed-in-maple-brown-butter-and-sweet-peas-sauce

Lucy measured the peas, which is her favorite cooking task, while Eliza and I tackled the more complicated things. We added prosciutto. It was delicious, although next time I’m upping the amount of flour — they were a little loose, even for gnocchi.

And because we had lots of phyllo left over, as well as random bits of nuts, some dried fruit, and banana chips, we made a dried fruit and nut baklava which allowed Lucy to paint some more while Eliza and I food-processed away.

It has been delicious living here in the past week!

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6 Responses to Marvel at our wit!

  1. Mama says:

    After just coughing out my lungs laughing at Lucy’s comment on counting, what’s making COUNTING?! YOU JUST GO ONE TWO FEE FOY! so funny? Add more laughing – and grand-motherly pride of such a smart grand child.

  2. Melissa says:

    I love those frames! At one place near us they have stacks of buckets for the same purpose, but mostly the kids are stuck hanging on to the rail at the edge of the rink.

    Is the math website IXL? A does most of her math homework there.

    Do you hate Woody Allen because of his film oeuvre or his unsavory personal life? (Or both?)

  3. elizasmom says:

    Melissa — I have never found him more than mildly amusing. I watched about 10 of his movies because people used to be all “You just haven’t seen the right one yet! Try this one!” And, nope, all that’s left me with is 20 hours of my life I’ll never get back. Add in that he’s a disgusting creep, and I’m DONE.

  4. elizasmom says:

    Oh, and yes, IXL is the website she uses. She even was able to coach Lucy through the baby/preschool stuff this morning when Lucy came to investigate what she is doing. Seems like a pretty cool site.

  5. Meredith says:

    Our math is ReflexMath – I have to say, I wish there were cool computer games when I was learning math. I had to get a tutor with Trig when I was in high school!

    So I used to love Woody Allen movies but now they are forever tainted for me with the reveal of the child abuse. I guess that had been known and investigated back in the day and he was cleared but….the creep factor is taking away my memories of fondness.

  6. Dina says:

    I surely needed to read this hilarious post today!
    Speaking of Obama – did you ever see when he slow-jammed” the news on Jimmy Fallon a while ago and then Romney slow-jammed the news last week. I was literally cringing. (I’m not even sure why I mentioned this…)

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