And then there’s THESE jokers

I told my boss about Lucy’s Asian food = “noodles like the guys doing the handstands” thing, and she may still be laughing.

There’s an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation in which Picard is dealing with an alien race who seem to be speaking a language he/the universal translator know, and yet everything comes out weird and he keeps offending them. Eventually, he figures out that the trick is not the words but the fact that they speak entirely in idioms, and once he figures the idioms out, everything goes more or less swimmingly (I’m sure there’s a dead red shirt in there, but that’s kind of the deal you sign up for with Star Trek). Anyway: I am reminded of this episode whenever Lucy speaks in what is ostensibly English but has the rest of us scrambling to figure out what the hell she is talking about.

She has a particular knack for obscurely shorthanding her descriptions of TV shows and video clips; she regularly Rosencrantz-and-Guildensterns them, which is pretty entertaining. (Have I mentioned that she refers to Agents of SHIELD as “the show with the airplane and the yelling”? I really enjoy that one.)

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Eliza has developed a new game: When Moe hops up on the desk in the office while she is using the computer, as Moe is wont to do to get attention, Eliza opens a search window in Google Chrome, then encourages her to walk on the keyboard, then googles what Moe has typed out. So far, Moe appears to be primarily interested in mathematical arcana.

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We are still in the throes is Frozen (or: DINNEY FOZEN!) fever around here, and the best part of that is the way Lucy will, without warning and totally casually, bark out, “The cold never bothered me anyway!” (or: CODE NEB’BODDA ME ANYWAY!).

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Here is Lucy with a BWAID LIKE ELSA FOM DINNEY FOZEN WHEN SHE’S A GWOWN-UP:

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Jim got Eliza a fishing pole and they went fishing on the weekend. Here she is casting like a little pro:

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Some years back Eliza wanted kitty ears to wear around the house so I crocheted some onto a headband. Now this joker wears them around. I guess the nuns were onto something, insisting that crochet is a helpful life skill.

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A department not related to mine tried to implement a policy at work that would have become a logistical and PR disaster, and moreover, would pretty much have landed in our laps to deal with even though it was not our doing. So I email-yelled and wrote stern letters and bossed people way above my pay grade and apparently I was convincing because now there are about 20 people for whom I am a ring-leader trying to broker a new way to do the thing that would have been a disaster. My boss is now calling me Norma Rae. I originally installed her as the figurehead of my little rebellion but she was all nuh-nuh, this is YOUR show and is letting me run with it.

I have been angry all year at work, because of discovery that some people who think they’re fancypants were talking/scheming about how they could do my job better. Now, the people who are ACTUALLY fancypants are aware the others are crazypants, but still: Wearying and annoying. On the upside, all Hulk-like, I have figured out how to use my anger to be bolder about speaking up.

Operation Mic Drop, where I taught a class in my field, went well in some ways — several of my students really showed progress and one of them in particular told me she loved the class, which was great. On the downside, I got smacked around by office politics some more and told that my 4 years of summer work for an international Fortune 500 company in my field during college, my 14 years of field experience, my work with 20-some interns and assistants, my certification, and frequent conference attendance in my field were not sufficient to qualify me to teach it because I don’t have a master’s.

This being patently ridiculous, I like to point out when other people with fancy degrees have f%*&ed up and then cackle, “But you know, I’m not really qualified.” It’s possible this is not productive and that I need a vacation before the snark blows up in my face, but we all need our petty paybacks in life.

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4 Responses to And then there’s THESE jokers

  1. Mama says:

    ” I got smacked around by office politics some more and told that my 4 years of summer work for an international Fortune 500 company in my field during college, my 14 years of field experience, my work with 20-some interns and assistants, my certification, and frequent conference attendance in my field were not sufficient to qualify me to teach it because I don’t have a master’s.”
    What does that tell you about the people who said that – and who, most likely, have master’s degrees or higher.

  2. lee says:

    AAArgh!! Certification issues!! Hate those.

    Love the cat ears. For most of one summer, my girls were either dogs or babies. I liked the dogs better because they were more fun to play with. Alice still remembers being a dog, Aerin just remembers me setting up agility courses for her.

  3. elizasmom says:

    Lee, among the many amusing ironies of the situation is that I got my certificate FROM the department in which I was teaching. Someone, somewhere, cannot brain good. I love that you set up agility courses for your kids!

  4. Mama says:

    This is precious, except for the tenure thing, of course. First of all, we have to find that Star Trek episode. The topic sounds promising plus Jean Luc Picard? Anytime 😉 Eliza’s idea of googling Moe’s input is brilliant. Maybe if you can make her walk more over the letters than the numbers you can have it translated too. The question would be what language to choose. Lucy seems like endless entertainment these days. We have to show her the photos of her mommy as a child with the fancy braids our patient hairdresser made for her and Auntie Johanna.

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