The lawyer, and other anecdotes

Lucille Grace has been stalling on the potty front for months now, and as I think I’ve mentioned, her cheerful obstinacy in the face of bribery, cajoling, and encouragement has really been a problem. “I really think you need to start using the potty,” “No thanks!” is not a productive exchange.

We made huge headway this weekend when she finally agreed to use the potty and actually put excreta in it.

All Saturday and Sunday, she used the potty, gathering, along the way, access to her Princess Pets watch and about 5 squinkies. These were all bribes she had been offered months ago to induce potty usage, and she enthusiastically collected. Lo, we rejoiced, for the end of diapers finally loomed!

Sadly, it seemed that in our joy, we had forgotten that this is a wily child. Yesterday, she was all cheerful obstinacy again. She decided, basically, ‘%^&* all of y’all, I got the stuff I wanted and I’m going back to diapers.’ It seemed she had found a loophole — we had only said she needed to use the potty to get the stuff, not that she needed to KEEP using the potty. It was pretty clever for a three-year-old. However, I loopholed her loophole right back, put the watch on a high shelf she could see but not reach, and told her that she can only KEEP the watch WHEN she is using the potty. This morning she went off to daycare in underpants. Sweet fancy Moses please let this child be potty-trained already, I am so done.

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Eliza is with me at work this morning and told the head of my department what she had asked Santa for, for Christmas. The head of my department is now trying to reach Santa to make sure s/he took the order correctly. (She has told Eliza that she thinks Santa is a woman because only a woman could keep all those requests straight.)

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I think my kid really likes karate, y’all! Yesterday evening she was doing her kata in our living room without any prompting from me. I cannot tell you how delightful it is to have someone in the house who understand why I get all up in arms (HAH!) about terrible punching form in movies. We are maintaining the fiction that she has never heard swearing, or I would be telling her about the visual pun one of the instructors set up in class last week on the concept of ass-kicking. I am SO EXCITED to have someone living with me who will understand why elaborately-constructed visual puns are funny.

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Meanwhile, Jim is doing his level best to turn also her into a skier, which, so far so good. I fully support anything that has both of them moving around and getting outside. I am trying not to be That Wife who nags her husband about his health, plus frankly, it is super annoying that I do karate, run, or dance 6 days a week and am barely making a dent in Operation Lose Ten Pounds In The Hopes That Hauling Around A Smaller Carcass Will Help Me Break Two Hours In My Next Half-Marathon, while he is mostly sedentary and never gains weight. I am a little bitter.

Still, more exercise is a good thing for both of them, and Eliza needs to get out of her head a bit because she can get lost in there. I have lots of theories about the relationship between the lack of exercise and the difficulty some kids have in focusing. This is in no way meant to imply that I think that ADD/ADHD is not a real thing that is genuinely awful for some kids, just that my personal experience shows that making a young person sit still for too long will give their entire being jimmy-leg.

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When I am not able to get in an outside workout, I dance along to a zumba lady in youtube. Lucy loves it when I do this because a. she digs the moves and tries to copy them b. she develops elaborate ranking systems for which outfit and hairdo she prefers the zumba lady to wear and which of the zumba lady’s students she prefers, based on their outfits and shoes. It is very serious business.

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